I'm finally having a night out to myself with a couple friends and I am ecstatic! I do not go out much, if at all anymore without the kid by my side but I decided that maybe I do need to start focusing on making this more of a priority than I have for my own sanity, because shit I deserve it.. right?

All moms have gotten that mom guilt before; either its from you grocery shopping without your kid, going to get your hair done, leaving the kid at the babysitters to meet up with friends or whatever it may be we have all experienced it before; I mean shit I get it all the time! Im actually getting it right now just thinking about leaving Betty at home with daddy while I go see my girls tonight for a couple hours. I get this horrible anxiety and stress just thinking about leaving my kid if only for just a couple hours and for why? I start to dwell on all the hours I have put into work that week and compare that to the hours I spent with my kid and its quite shocking! I miss my daughter all the time and I wish I could be a stay at home mom but its just not financially possible for our family. I don't want to miss out on her growing up and look back on these years and think shit I wish I spent more time with her than I did at work or anywhere else. I love spending time with my daughter and I wouldn't trade that in for anything. All the nights I stay in at home to just be with her, cuddle her to sleep, cook her dinner, take her to the park, give kisses to the ouchies she may have gotten is the best thing I could ever be doing with my time. I do not long for the nights I use to stay out late and party anymore, but I do wish I would make it a priority to go pamper myself or hang out with my girlfriends at a nice restaurant more often than I do.


Now when I do get the courage to go out and have some time to myself (which only happens about once every couple months) I get this feeling that I am abandoning my child for selfish reasons and that maybe I should just stay in for another night and postpone this time to myself for another date. Im telling you mom guilt is extremely tough on me and I am always putting my daughter way before me (which I should be) but yet is that healthy? If I don't take care of myself and sometimes put my needs before her is that really helping me out at all or even her? I wonder why I always feel so burnt out and maybe its because of this mind set I'm in all the time, maybe I feel depressed and stuck so many days out of the month because I am not taking important time out for myself to relax, stop, decompress and enjoy time without my kiddo once in a while. I am that type of person who is always on the go the minute I wake up. If its not work then I'm either cleaning, cooking, working in the garden, going to different events with my daughter on the weekend, doing laundry, writing on this blog, grocery shopping and the list goes on and on. The only time I really relax is at night for a couple hours and thats normally spent wiped out in front of the tv in a daze of exhaustion.


I remember my Friday and Saturday nights before I had a baby. I would head over to my best friends to enjoy some drinks, talk and laugh and then eventually, once we were buzzed enough, we would head over to our local Grateful Dead bar to hear some live music and dance the night away. We would have no agenda and do things completly on a wime. Now I can sit here and tell you I don't miss those days anymore, I'm in fact content and happy sitting at home with my daughter and fiancé, rocking my messy hair, vegging out and throwing on my pajamas by 7:00pm. But I do get that itch to go out with the girls again to laugh, be mischievous, dance and be wild, young and free again. But because I am a full time working mom my biggest obstacle I face about having a night out is the GUILT. Knowing that I already spent 40+ hours a week at work away from my kid is one of the first things that pops into my head and why I don't even consider it more than half the time. When I do actually decide I should go out though I always have to keep reminding myself these simple things to try and combat the guilt I start to get.



#1. Friendship

      All women crave time together. Studies show that social time is a lot more than just fun for women, its a coping mechanism. Its a way we learn to deal with stress and it also produces oxytocin in the body. Oxytocin helps aid in relieving pain, lowering blood pressure, heart rate and improving our digestion. I know how great I feel after a night of laughter, deep conversation, drinks and time spent with the friends I love dearly. I always feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders as soon as I say my goodbyes and am back on my way home. Theres something about discussing all the positive and negative issues that have been going on in your life to your friends.  It makes you start to realize that you are not so alone anymore and some of the issues you may be dealing with is or has been something your best friend is going through. It allows you to get mentoring from the ones you trust the most. We give each other guidance and advice.






#2. Because I Fucking Deserve It! 

      I work hard, very hard. I put in about 40+ hours at work while putting the love, effort, work and care thats needed to run and manage a cafe successfully. I love my job (as much as one can love their job) and the people I work for. The owners are great people and I couldn't be happier for being able to share in the success with them of their business and to aid in the help of making the business that much greater. When I'm not at work I'm running errands, grocery shopping, cooking, taking care of the little one, giving baths, doing laundry, providing the love needed to my dog, daughter & fiancé, gardening, blogging, cleaning and the list could go on and on but I'm gonna stop while I'm ahead. I work so hard at caring for my family that I never am able to give myself the love and care I need to keep myself in tune; its something I'm trying to focus more on. But dammit I deserve to go out and let loose once in a while! All mommies deserve it. There should be no guilt in having an occasional night of freedom and fun. This is the one I have to repeat to myself time and time again all throughout the night to really be able to enjoy myself. "Kim, you fucking deserve it!"


#3. Its Healthy

      All of us deserve some time to recharge, pamper ourselves and let loose. If we don't things tend to get more stressful than they really are and we become these robots day in and day out doing the same damn routine everyday with nothing new and exciting happening. Your battery eventually runs out and needs a good recharging and while sleep, working out and relaxation are a source of recharging I do believe that escaping and having fun with the girls is as well. I feel so much better in spirits after a night out, well maybe a tad bit hungover but I am more relaxed and stress free than I was the day before hand. And if going out with your friends isn't your thing then do something else to pamper and energize yourself. Go to the spa, gym, library or take a bubble bath. whatever it is its important you find time for yourself too outside of work. us moms work so damn hard and we don't give ourselves enough credit for all that we do. So this is me saying "Go the fuck out and don't feel guilty for it!"




#4 Be More Than Just a Mom 

I love, love, love being a mom! Its honestly the most rewarding most meaningful thing I have ever done in my lifetime so far and will always be the most important to me but there is more to me and you than your job and kids. You have other areas of interest that may be hard to do when you are with your child but making sure to dive into those areas of interests by yourself will help to make you feel even more satisfaction in life than maybe you already do. It will give you a sense of pride, accomplishment and just a way to help relive the everyday stresses of life that we all face from time to time. You can choose what you want to do with your time alone wether that be creating art, reading a book, working out, blogging, cooking, gardening, meditating or going to the spa, there is something else out there for you to make you feel even more full of life. I know when I go to the garden by myself or am able to read a book I have been interested in for a long time without a screaming toddler I feel more at one with myself and more at peace. It makes me feel as if there is more to me then just a full time working momma.

So treat yourself out once in awhile mommas! We all work so hard and we deserve some time away from our kiddos on occasions to hang with our peers and catch up.